Thanks to more public acknowledgement about phycological behaviours, we have more understanding for personality types. We are all now quite well versed with how narcissists operate and are able to spot them a little easier when we encounter one.
The thing that we still need to work on though, is how to help the victims of abuse within society. So often I have clients that talk about their experience and have sought help from a counsellor and have been met with ‘leave them and cut them out of your life’ as a response.
While it’s all well and good, actioning the removal of negativity from your life, it runs much deeper than this. It takes a huge amount of courage for a victim to recognise that they’ve been hoodwinked, and much more to even acknowledge their reality.
By this time of recognition, victims will have already experienced months or even years of conditioning, and this is no small task to simply undo. Victims will have adapted to withdrawing from social circles and family, making it much harder for them to reach out for help.
In order to survive, you must align with the narcissist’s views and way of doing things to feel safe in their environment. If you step out of this, or take a stance, you are berated with attacking and socially destroying actions.
So straight off the bat, the victim has to reach a point of being strong enough to admit that they no longer feel safe and need help to remove themselves from their toxic situation.
Most often, the first point of call is professional help in the form of a counsellor or psychologist.
Second to this, is whatever team of support has remained loyal to them during their time of withdrawal.
A lot of what is drilled into the mindset of the victim is that they have to ‘keep the secrets’ of the narcissist. Victims will remain loyal to the narcissist as part of their conditioning.
Not only this, but if a victim speaks out to friends or family about negative aspects of their relationship when times are bad, it will interfere with the relationship when things resume to a point of uplift and positivity. Therefore, the victim is less likely to speak out negatively because they crave to resume to a safe and happy part of their experience.
All of these situations have a drastic impact, not only to the mental health of the victim, but their physical health also. Much of my teachings with energy work revolves around how ‘energy flows where attention goes’. Anything that is not acknowledged within your emotional states, is suppressed and pushed down, and they simply become physical manifestations of that trapped energy. This is why throat chakras are often very blocked for people who struggle to express themselves due to how they are treated within relationships.
Once the victim has finally plucked up the courage to remove themselves from the manipulations of the narcissist, they face the reality of rebuilding their life, body, mind and soul.
A lot of the time, they struggle to reach out to friends and family to talk about their experience for fear of rejection once again. They have been beaten down mentally and have such little self-esteem that, spreading their wings and flying again seems like a daunting task.
Quite often, you still won’t hear them speak out against their captor. This is how deep the loyalty still sits with them, to protect the reputation of the abuser. The narcissist will never acknowledge their poor behaviour or participation in the situation.
So, when the victim does come forward and tries to speak to friends or family for support, they look like ‘the crazy one’ or the bad person for berating the reputation of the narcissist. Unfortunately, this is where the victim, yet again experiences persecution for speaking up for themselves. This only drives harder for social circles to side with and express support for the abuser.
So here is my request.
When someone, anyone, comes to you with the smallest of voices and expresses their experience of feeling unsafe; hold space for them. Most importantly, do so without judgement.
You haven’t walked in their shoes; you know nothing about their journey.
Actions speak louder than words. Know that if they have found some god given strength in themselves to come forward and speak out, be the pillar of strength that they need. They have fought long and hard to even get to this point and they feel that you are their safest option to open up to. That is a privilege, never forget this.
We need to be more encouraging as a society to reward those for speaking up, because it allows others to feel safe to do the same.
~ The Wild Healer ~
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